Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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