You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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