i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
