no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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