Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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