my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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