what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
