One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
