u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
