As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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