I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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