Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
"it" just moved
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
