i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
