I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
