so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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