i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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