he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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