I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
