I'm drive I can fine osifer
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
