brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
