you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
