he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She's the barista slut.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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