im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Your cock deserves a montage
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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