hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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