i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
