Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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