And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
