the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
