He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
