Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
