piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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