Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
