it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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