sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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