Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
