this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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