i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
