so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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