the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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