I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
