You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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