you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
