the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
