you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
