This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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