why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
