C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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