and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
