oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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