Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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