We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Floor bacon is actually really good
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