God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
