Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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