Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
