Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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