are you still at the devil's house?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
